Newsworthy
Craft fair chronocide [More...]
On the other hand, it was as good a place as any to focus on creative things so I whipped up the felt "Hello" badge that I've been meaning to for a long while -- I will likely start selling these as custom items on Etsy:
I also set myself a goal of writing 100 haiku while I was there. I got to 38 and, while they are not all keepers, there were a few good ones and a few more that could benefit with some polishing. I'm back tomorrow (come visit me at the Victoria Event Centre on Broad St!) and suspect I will get to 100; I'll share more tomorrow.
On a side note, look at these wonderfully-creepy "Beaster Bunnies" from another member of the Monster Etsy Street Team!
An Orgy of Vomit is Coming. [More...]
Here is a list of media I would love to see made:
Re-do Star Wars: This was an amazing movie. Star Wars was unworkable dreck that was repaired in the editing room. Empire Strikes Back was great because Lucas screwed up his financing and had to listen to studio execs to get the completion funds. By the time he got to Return of the Jedi, he had full control and things rattled downhill from that point on. When Lucas' head sit in the cyro tank next the Disney's, someone could come along and stitch something good out of this patchwork of nifty ideas. Of all the movie franchises that need a reboot, this one screams for it.
The Foundation Series: Make it a mini-series. Don't change any of Asimov's plastic fantastic atomic science.
Canticle for Leibowitz: A TV mini-series told in four parts-- the first part happens during the Cuban Missile crisis-- then the nukes start flying. The latter three parts come from the book.Rudy Rucker: any of his books would rule in movie form.
Enders Game: pull this out of the full dive and make it into a movie.
Ringworld: making a CGI Puppeteer would be an easy trick-- heck, kids make them in Spore. This book is terrific space opera with a big dash of sci-fi. SyFy promised to make this in 2004. Will this book hit 50 years old before it's adapted?
Scavenger of the Battle: this book was like the Iran-Contra affair set in interstellar space. It would make a great action movie.
War of the Worlds (the sequel): Filmed in Technicolor, Kennedy is the president and he's sending a can of whoop-ass back to Mars.
There's only one thing Hollywood loves than a movie based on a toy: remakes. Dozens of science-fiction classics are slated for do-overs. But instead of remaking films that were fine the first time, here are 20 books Hollywood should film. Seriously, after watching The Day The Earth Stood Still, we're even more convinced than ever that "updating" or otherwise attempting to refresh the classics of the genre just leads to horrible soggy messes. It's hard to believe there's something worse than endless sequels, but remakes of perfectly great films might just be it. Especially when there are so many great books left unfilmed, many of which are made for a film adaptation.
Instead of remaking Videodrome...
Universal snapped up the remake rights to this Cronenberg film last year, and Ehren Kruger (co-writer of Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen and sole writer of Transformers 3) will write and co-produce. The new version will "modernize the concept, infuse it with the possibilities of nano-technology and blow it up into a large-scale sci-fi action thriller," says Variety.
...Film Jennifer Government by Max Barry instead.
Seriously, if you want to see a huge paranoid thriller set in a dystopian future world, you're actually crying out for a Jennifer Government movie. In a dark future, everybody's last name is the company they work for — and now companies have started engineering murder as a means of marketing their products. Horror and strangeness blend together with snarky humor — even the Michael Bay version would be interesting.
Instead of remaking Robocop…
If I want to watch the Darren Aronofsky version of Robocop, I'll just put in the DVD of the Verhoeven version and turn the brightness way down, while occasionally sticking my head into a bucket of Christmas lights. Actually, I love Aronofsky's work, for the most part, but Robocop is a film that requires no "reimagining." It's already fully imagined. Leave Robocop alone!
...Film Mark L. Van Name's Jon And Lobo novels.
We've praised these books before, but the story of the only cyborg in a society that believes cyborgs don't exist is tailor-made for a film. Jon can talk to machines thanks to nanotech implants, and he forms a close partnership with a sentient tank, which helps him go kick ass across several star systems.
Instead of remaking Escape From New York...
Apparently the script for this remake by Allan Loeb is really quite clever, and this time around Snake Plissken's rescuing a female senator (instead of the president) from the walled-off Manhattan. The banter is said to be razor-sharp, and New Line Cinema is putting this on the fast track.
...Film Glasshouse by Charles Stross instead.
Why has none of Stross' brilliant novels been filmed yet? In any case, Glasshouse is one of his best, and it's a brilliant portrayal of a town that's also a dystopian prison, where the people are tagged. Another good alternative is Catherine Fischer's Incarceron, but that's already becoming a movie.
Instead of remaking Forbidden Planet...
Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Straczynski just wrote his second draft of the screenplay for this remake — after the first draft leaked on the internet — and he hints that it'll be full of surprises, including stuff that wasn't in the first version. But given that the original was already a remake of Shakespeare's The Tempest, we're not convinced that trying for the "surprise" factor is such a great idea. We love JMS, but this is a perfect example of a film that still holds up.
...Film Lensman instead.
Luckily, JMS' other big-screen adapation project sounds a lot more promising. The classic original space opera, E.E. "Doc" Smith's Lensman series has been begging for a movie adaptation for decades now — as long as JMS can strip the icky eugenics stuff and sexism out of the books, we could be looking at the next Avatar. (Or the next Green Lantern, really.)
Instead of The Thing prequel...
Seriously, a prequel to The Thing? Featuring backstory about the original doomed Norwegian expedition that we don't need to know, and characters we don't need to see die? (Including, rumor has it, the brother of Kurt Russell's character from the original film.) This just seems wrong. Even though it's not technically a remake and thus might not fit in this film, we must lodge our formal protest. Ronald D. Moore was writing the script, but I believe he's been replaced.
...Film Finch by Jeff VanderMeer instead.
In VanderMeer's awesome book (spoiler alert) the alien spore people can take over humans and control huge parts of our civilization. It's got much of the same body horror as The Thing, plus the idea of alien life that can take over humans and transform us into parts of them. It packs the same sort of "aliens replacing us" punch, and would make a crackerjack movie.
Instead of redoing When Worlds Collide...
Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, G.I. Joe) is on board to direct this remake, with Steven Spielberg collaborating on the script. He told Cinefantastique magazine (in the July 2009 issue) that he's still on board, but the project's been delayed slightly to avoid competing with Emmerich's 2012. Instead of a cerebral tale about another world on a collision course with Earth, as scientists ready an ark to take some humans to another habitable planet, expect the Empire State Building and the Eiffel Tower to melt.
...Film Spin By Robert Charles Wilson instead.
It's got the same "global disaster strikes the Earth" thing, but Wilson's tale of a membrane encompassing the Earth that slows down time on Earth relative to the rest of the solar system is more original, and a darn sight more interesting. Unknown beings called "the Hypotheticals" have slowed down time on the Earth to such an extent, we'll be destroyed by the expanding sun within one generation. The clever premise lets humans found a colony on Mars and develop high technology while relatively little time seems to pass on Earth — and the final reveal about why the aliens have done this is the kind of thing the Day The Earth Stood Still remake was going for, and failed to deliver. In the hands of a Duncan Jones or Steven Soderbergh, this could be an instant classic.
Instead of remaking The Bride Of Frankenstein...
As of last summer, Universal was in talks with The Illusionist's Neil Burger to write and direct a remake of this James Whale classic, and it's rumored to be set in present-day New York. (Of course, The Wolfman's lackluster performance may have soured Universal on monster remakes for a while.)
...film John Kessel's Pride And Prometheus instead.
You want a smart, witty look at the Frankenstein story? Look no further than Kessel's story, which is also the best of the recent Jane Austen mash-ups. The Bennet sisters meet Victor Frankenstein, and after the younger sister Kitty dies, her body disapears, and well... you can guess the rest. A film of "Pride And Prometheus" could capitalize on two hot trends — but more importantly, it could bring the Frankenstein mythos back to life.
Instead of remaking Creature From The Black Lagoon...
Another Universal monster movie, this property has gone through a bunch of possible directors, including John Carpenter, Peter Jackson, John Landis, and most recently The Crazies director Breck Eisner. Now Carl Rinsch is reportedly on board, for a more violent Alien-inspired take.
...Film The Scar by China Mieville instead.
This novel, set in the same world as Perdido Street Station, has a monstrous major character, the "remade" criminal Tanner — but more importantly, it features the Avanc, a sea monster that the Lovers raise and attempt to capture in their desire to reach the Scar, where reality is in flux and anything is possible. Plus there's pirates! War! And a city made up of floating ships. This is the watery monster story you want.
Instead of remaking The Brood...
After Eisner dropped out of Creature, he was in talks to do this Cronenberg remake instead. But he's said a few times recently that he's only had preliminary talks, and he might love the Cronenberg original too much to try and redo it.
...Film Geek Love by Katherine Dunn instead.
If you want people acting out their psychoses through their mutant babies, this is the book you want. It has the potential to be every bit as grotesque and disturbing — and horrifying — as Cronenberg's film. The Binewskis' circus is faltering, so they decide to try something new: They breed their own freaks by using drugs and radioactive substances to turn their own unborn progeny into mutants. Some are lucky, like Miranda, who only has a pig tail and works as a stripper. But then there's the twisted Arty, who launches his own cult called Arturism in which his followers compete to mutilate themselves. Consider this a plea for the long-awaited Geek Love movie.
Instead of remaking Flash Gordon...
Unlike The Brood, this may actually be Eisner's next project, assuming The Crazies' weak opening-weekend box office doesn't sap the fuel out of its rockets. This would be an "origin story" for Flash, fairly true to the comics, and would feature lots of planet-hopping.
...Film The Vorkosigan saga by Lois McMaster Bujold instead.
The three-time Hugo-winning saga of the disabled Miles Vorkosigan and his awesome military career is like Flash Gordon on steroids. Just the story of the romance between Miles' parents and the war that brings them together could be a whole movie by itself. And Ming only wishes he was as merciless as the Barrayarans at their worst.
Instead of remaking Short Circuit...
After the success of Wall-E, it was pretty much inevitable, no? Steve Carr, director of Paul Blart, Mall Cop, is attached to direct this film, from a script by Robot Chicken's Dan Milano. Same deal: A military robot gets struck by lightning and develops a conscience, befriending a young boy.
...Film When Harlie Was One by David Gerrold.
Still one of the greatest "cyber-consciousness goes loopy" stories of all time, Gerrold even rewrote this early 1970s novel in the early 1980s, giving you two versions to choose from. Harlie attains artificial sentience, and then threatens to become virtually godlike, all the while running loops around his human creators. The bit where Harlie "drops acid" would make for a pretty hilarious film sequence — although Harlie isn't mobile, which could be a dealbreaker.
Instead of remaking Metropolis...
Okay, seriously? The good news is, this remake hasn't been mentioned since 2007, when producers Thomas Schueler and Mario Kassar bought the rights. At the time, Schueler said, "With the overwhelming role technology plays in our daily lives, the growing gap between rich and poor, including the gradual elimination of the middle class, the story of 'Metropolis' is a frightening reflection of our society that takes place in an all too possible not too distant future."
...Film Virtual Girl by Amy Thomson
Thomson's novel about a man who creates a robot woman who decides to seek her freedom is absolutely crying out for a big-screen version. With shows like Caprica exploring robot consciousness, it's the perfect time to explore the perspective of a cyber-mind that views a body as a "peripheral" and risks going insane from the rush of input that the real world offers.
Instead of remaking Let The Right One In...
This is a case of a remake that it's too late to stop — Cloverfield director Matt Reeves is already filming the American version of this Swedish vampire movie. And early comments from Reeves and star Chloe Moretz seem to hint that the U.S. version will abandon all of the original's troubling hints that the vampire, Eli, is just using young Oskar, the way we see Eli using another guy. Here's hoping we're wrong, since that creepiness is an integral part of the story.
...Film Fledgling by Octavia Butler
Butler's last novel, the first in a series that we'll never see the rest of now, is actually told from the point of view of a 53-year-old vampire who happens to look like a 10-year-old black girl. Butler brings much of the same creepiness as the Swedish film, with the vampires needing seven or eight human volunteers, called syms (or symbionts) to survive — and the syms receive an erotic pleasure from their situation.
Instead of remaking Buffy The Vampire Slayer...
Buffy? Without Joss? That's unpossible. Seriously, it seems like a weird idea, and I'm not entirely sure what the point would be. We haven't heard much about this since last May, but like all Demonic plots from beneath the Earth's surface, I'm sure it's still bubbling away.
...Film The Strange Adventures Of Rangergirl by Tim Pratt instead.
It's like Buffy mashed up with Promethea — Marzi is an art-school dropout running a quirky Santa Cruz coffeehouse, and it turns out the coffeehouse's murals are actually a kind of art magic, dedicated to keeping an evil force at bay. And now it's escaping. It's up to Marzi — and her comic-book fantasy character Rangergirl — to stop the evil force from getting out into the world.
Instead of remaking Total Recall...
Keep your ass off Mars! Okay, don't panic, but Kurt Wimmer, the mind behind Equilibrium and the "what the hell was that" Ultraviolet, has been hired to write a remake of Dan O'Bannon's classic script, based on Philip K. Dick's writing. Okay, go ahead and panic.
...Film Software/Wetware by Rudy Rucker instead.
There are many heirs to Dick's crown of weirdness, but Rucker makes a bold claim to the Dickian tradition with the first two novels in the "Ware" tetralogy. You've got your strange questions about identity (as Cobb Anderson becomes his own android duplicate) your weird conspiracies, and your off-Earth settings (the emancipated robots set up shop on the Moon). I'd actually be curious to see what Wimmer (or someone else in Hollywood) would do with this.
Instead of remaking He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe...
Joel Silver (the producer who's spawned his own universe) has teamed up with writer Justin Marks (Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li) to put together a new version of this sagahttp://www.variety.com/article/VR1117965714.html?categoryid=13&cs=1&nid=2564. Actually, there have only been vague rumblings lately, but the success of Transformers probably makes this film inevitable.
...Film Titan by John Varley instead.
Captain Cirocco "Rocky" Jones travels to Saturn and encounters centaurs, the Titanides, and bird-like creatures, the Angels. She discovers a controlling intelligence, called Gaea, and becomes its super-powered agent, or Wizard. It's a great blending of space opera and high-fantasy tropes, and the perfect alternative to another He-Man.
Instead of remaking Logan's Run...
It's not clear where this project is — Bryan Singer was on board, with a script by Valkyrie screenwriter Chris McQuarrie, and as recently as a year ago, he was still saying he might do it. But Silver and Tron director Joseph Kosinski were also announced to be making this film at one point. So who can say?
...Film any one of a number of dystopian novels instead.
It's amazing that there's still been no real big-screen adaptation of Huxley's Brave New World, which is in many ways the inspiration for Logan's Run. (We're still hoping Ridley Scott will get around to this one, as he's hinted he might.) But there's also Vonnegut's Player Piano, Wyndham's The Chrysalids, Ness' The Knife Of Never Letting Go, and many others.
Instead of remaking The Fly...
This might be the one remake that's worth being excited about. David Cronenberg is directing the remake of his own film, because he's excited by the film-making possibilities of today's technology. Given how much Cronenberg's directorial skills have matured in the past few decades, it could be fascinating to see how he approaches the story of a teleportation experiment gone wrong this time around. But still...
...Film David Marusek's Counting Heads instead.
We'd still rather see Cronenberg do something new. How many more Cronenberg films are we going to get? If we could pick one SF novel for Cronenberg to adapt, it would be David Marusek's clone-angst novel Counting Heads. It's such a Cronenberg story, full of weird doubled characers and nano-plagues. Or else maybe Kathleen Ann Goonan's Queen City Jazz, which is packed with weird body horror done in a literary way, as people are transformed horrifically into early 20th century Jazz Age figures by the malfunctioning nanotech city. Or maybe Margaret Atwood's Oryx And Crake.
Instead of remaking Highlander...
Fast And The Furious director Justin Lin is helming this remake, from a script by Iron Man scribes Matt Holloway and Art Marcum that focuses on the backstory of the immortals. Could be meat, could be cake.
...Film The Steel Remains by Richard K. Morgan.
You want epic sword fights, complicated heroes, sweeping backstories and dire prophecies? This novel demands to become a huge, big budget movie. (Although the copious amounts of gay sex might disturb the Hollywood execs slightly.)
Instead of remaking Fantastic Voyage...
James Cameron himself is involved in producing this remake, and says that everything we've learned about medical imaging will make the new film much more realistic than the original. No director is named yet, but Cameron seems pretty determined to make it happen. And he's got a bit of clout these days.
...Film Surface Tension by James Blish.
Humans arrive on a distant waterworld, with seed banks to help colonize it with adapted human-like offspring. But the ship crashes and the seed banks are ruined — so the ship's crew reengineers their own descendants to become microscopic sea life, retaining human intelligence but reduced to a primitive civilization. Instead of just being temporarily microscopic, these offspring of humanity are permanently tiny, struggling to survive and develop civilization anew. You could also film Isaac Asimov's quasi sequel, Fantastic Voyage 2: Destination Brain.
Instead of remaking The Incredible Shrinking Man...
It's like all your worst nightmares rolled into one. A remake of Shrinking Man starring Eddie Murphy — and directed by Brett Ratner. Couldn't we just watch Meet Dave on Nyquil instead?
...Film Flyboy Action Figure Comes With Gasmask by Jim Munroe.
Actually, we're not sure we want Eddie Murphy or Brett Ratner anywhere near this amazing novel about a mild-mannered guy who can turn into a fly, and who teams up with a woman who can make things disappear to right social wrongs. It's a hilarious, weird, silly book that would make a fantastic movie in the right hands — and actually, it already did make for a great short film.
Other upcoming remakes we don't particularly want to see, but we ran out of time to suggest alternative books for: Mannequin, All Of Me, The Illustrated Man, They Live, Scanners, Fahrenheit 451, Weird Science, The Blob, The Man Who Fell To Earth, Altered States, The Entity and Westworld.
Soapbox Moment [More...]
However, the UVSS chose to deny club funding to this group because of their opinions. More precisely, it is because their posters are "offensive" and make women "feel guilty" for choosing abortion.
This is quite plainly bullshit and it makes me grumpy.
I feel guilty every time I see a poster for a yoga group -- and I am offended (as a "person of size") that the women pictured are usually very muscular and slim -- but I'm not deluded enough to think that I can crush their right to a campaign because I feel threatened by the messages implied by the posters.
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Over the past few days, the students have been voting and it has been (at least from my vantage point), brisk. This subject is one of the issues dividing candidates and I hope there is some change in the board that will support a more reasonable application of the concept of free speech.
Cooking with XSLT, XML, PHP and a dash of automation [More...]
XSLT, 6000+ recipes in Recipe XML format, PHP and a page building script that I whipped up:
http://clearyourplate.com/recipes/pager_1.php
Enjoy!
Haiku Miscellany is ready for the world [More...]
Anyhoooo, Haiku Miscellany is a collection of 25 haiku poems acompanying 25 photos of 25 of my creations from Creative Miscellany. It's available through Lulu.com in print or as a download.
Next on the to-do list: Craft Market this weekend, followed by spring break, then I can set up my Zibbet shop!
The Long Tail is Strangling Me! [More...]
This is where we're at today: petulence and the need to assert ourselves through branding has left us with a fragmented set of choices. Chris Anderson coined this phenomeon as "the long tail"-- the marketing trend of product variety that verges on personalization. There are so many varieties that our shelves are crowded; they're crowding out what used to be the common choices. Spoiled kids don't have to make a choice, they can just spin this big roulette wheel of options. And nowadays our society is full of children, some as old as 50 or 60. There used to be great greasy spoons with cheap, fresh black coffee. They're been muscled out by people ordering double-half-caf no-whip extra sweet lattes from Starbucks. We don't need to choose, we can get our candy when we want it and how we want it.
In my line of work, this long tail can have a danergous effect on design. I use Blogger-- by some accounts, this is the 7th most popular site. I have some set-up options for my blog, I have some variety with my blog, but the inputting screen is a WYSIWYG editor with a title field, a hyperlink field and a tagging field. It sits on the stubby thick side of long tail with a few options meant to accomodate the widest number of people. I get LOTS of calls to put in modifcations and move stuff to the left or add in something weird that is viewed as a need.
Too many choices feels as a bad having too few choices. We love that the long tail of choices gives us a fine tuned product that we can love like its our very own. All of this variety means that nobody is on the same page. Your customized web browser or personalized jeans will have quirks unique to your situation, so you're left to thrash all by yourself, choking on your long tail.
World of Tomorrow interlude [More...]
My Ethical Minefield [More...]
Population Density - Good. The only way we can address our travel dynamics and our carbon footprint is to pack people into dense regions. People need to live close to their work and services. If they cannot afford a home, they should have a condo, because you can get booted from an apartment or a sublet condo.
Condos - Evil. Chumps buy condos.
Urban Gardens - Good. Food security, food quality, economy, 0 mile diets, productive recreation-- how could this concept be anything less than awesome?
Bottled Water - Evil. I politely refused bottled water, having faith in the public water supply.
Public Works - Evil. I don't trust that civil servants can manage something important. (cough) Walkerton!
Anti-depressants and ADHD medication - Evil. As Jacobi Mugatu said: "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" There is an estimation that 10% of America is on anti-depressants or has been. 30 million people need drugs? Are we sure that people are unreasonable and need medication; or is it that people are living in unreasonable times? When soldiers screamed into battle in WWII, they did so tweaked on amphetimines. Why not just keep giving them uppers all the time from that point on? Maybe they needed them to survive unreasonable stimuli. Anti-depressants are being sold in the millions every day as we spin the hamster wheel to fund the lifestyles of Boomers.
Boomers - Mostly Evil. Nice people lived in Nazi Germany. I'm sure nice people were born from 1947 to 1960. But the dangerous impact on this surge of a population demographic can't be ignored. Before they start to finally die off in the 2030s, they are going to need billions of our dollars to fund their retirement and their healthcare. That money is going to come out of my people's hide-- for the next 25 years I will have to help thicken profit margins so the investments increase as those dividends fund the lifestyles of a statistical anomoly in our population.
Craft Market next weekend! [More...]
The available table is smallish (only 30 inches in diameter) and round, so I set up a test table to see how much stuff I could get into that space. I think I will be fine, thanks to the carousel I picked up (where, I can't remember, but I didn't pay much for it). I am working through a short to-do list in order to get everything ready -- worst case, I will do the last prep on Friday as I am off work.
One of the things I need to pick up is more small bags for things that need to fit on the carousel like the catnip mice -- in small bags, I can get three or four in each side; in larger bags, just two. I also want to pick up some more sleeves for my art cards (ACEOs) -- I know I bought a package of 100 but do you think I can find them..? Sigh. Actually, I was pretty impressed that I pulled together enough stock for this show in a very short time. After the show, a lot of what doesn't sell will go up on Zibbet as my start over there.
27 Words for Snow [More...]
What do you do when you face a technical problem and non-technical people are directing the work? This is especially bad when working with web design. In print design, page breaks, column breaks and 9x12 vs. 11x17-- these are all relevant to what you're designing. Move the same design project onto the web and these concepts go through a serious lensing. What do you do when you have this terminology breakdown?
- Correct them. When they say "upload" you say "You mean send it via email?" This can be a painful exercise in being anal. At the end of the day, they won't get it, but you have a lot more questions. It's a passive approach to calling them mistaken but the net effect is the same.
- Educate them. Try a primer on the terms and dynamics in use. Don't make them choke down two years of CompSci-- just give them color on the aspect of what's in play for the project. It then becomes the doctor-patient problem: Patient- "Give it to me straight, doc." Doctor - "You have a transitory displacement of your mandible." Patient - "What?" Some topics are very sophisticated and are difficult to put into layman's terms. I've seen this manifest in two dynamics. With a client, you have to educate your client at the risk of putting them off-- they hired you because you're a specialist. With a co-worker, education is more possible, but still not absolutely viable. You can try to educate co-workers, but if they can get the ear of their superior or your superior, education can be squashed, translated or incompletely executed. In one situation, co-workers routinely used the same wrong phrasing for YEARS after it was inappropriate. Because their non-technical co-workers understood them, they felt justified to use the wrong termiology and concepts. One even went so far as to email 2000 people with the wrong how-to because they didn't want to change to the new practice. With 2000 people armed with the wrong instructions, that worker wanted the river to follow the boat and revise the technical process to match the how-to that was distributed.
- Translate them. This is what you have to do and some level, but it's an avenue that can make your project open-ended. For example: they say, "get this on the web" and that should mean that you finish off the work, upload the files to a spot where the files/application can be seen and used. It's common that techies translate stuff. The problems come when the user/client/non-technical co-worker (aka proponent) collapses multiple elements under the umbrella of the same term. They say, "upload"-- but could mean 'upload' (ftp); submit a form in a content management system; and/or email it. The remedy for that situation is come back and get a confirmation of the workflow available and the workflow they want to see executed. This is a much longer process because vagueness is a cornerstone of the project. If the proponent doesn't want to be corrected or educated, then they've opted for translation and a higher cost with a longer delivery time.
creative overdrive [More...]
Actually, I am working on a little project that I thought would take almost no time and instead is taking me... well... more time. But that is all I am saying about it because it seems whenever I discuss details of my projects, they disappear into the ether of woulda-shoulda-coulda. So mum's the word until it is done (hopefully by the weekend).
In the meantime, I also signed up to sell my wares on Zibbet -- kind of like Etsy but no fees! Seriously. I did however spring for the premium account -- right now on offer for $7 per month (nearly half off the regular $15), plus if you sign up now, use the code 30FREE to get 30 days of the premium account for nothing. If you want to sign up, please consider clicking the banner below so I get credit for spreading the love :)
I'll let you know when my store is ready and when my other project is done. Woo!
Oh, and I also got an email from the coordinators of the LoudSpeaker Festival asking if I wanted a table at the market. It's a busy weekend and I'm not sure I can fit in a random sale day or two, but I have asked for more information, just in case. Again, I'll put out the word if I'm going to be there!
Man Fleeing Olympics -- Commits Theft and Murder [More...]
A lower mainland man was so desperate to escape the Winter Olympics that he stole a car and fled to Vancouver Island. He later killed two on a motorcycle on the Malahat while travelling to Victoria...
A fatal motor vehicle collision on the Malahat early Saturday afternoon has left a motorcycle rider and his passenger dead and the suspect driver of the second vehicle involved at large.
This incident started early Saturday morning in North Vancouver when an unknown male entered a residence, stole some property and the homeowner's car, a newer model Honda Accord, while the homeowner's were home. The homeowner reported the incident to North Vancouver RCMP.
Later in the morning, the stolen Honda was seen going through the toll booth at Horseshoe Bay. The lone male suspect's picture was captured by BC Ferries video surveillance. Police believe that the stolen Honda and suspect driver arrived at Departure Bay at approximately 10:00 AM.
At approximately 12:25 hours police, fire and ambulance were dispatched to a fatal collision that occurred near the Arbutus Rest Stop on the Malahat. Police learned that the stolen Honda was travelling south and made an illegal left turn into the rest stop, cutting in front of a motorcycle which collided with the Honda, killing both the male rider and fermale passenger of the motorcycle.
The suspect fled the scene of the collision. Police utilized the resources of Police Service Dog from Nanaimo, Coast Guard, RCMP Air Services from Vancouver, and Members from Shawnigan Lake, Westshore and South Island Traffic Services to try to locate the suspect, but to no avail.
The Integrated Collision Analysis and Reconstruction Section (ICARS), Criminal Crash Investigation Team (CCIT) and Forensic Identification Section (FIS) attended the scene to continue the investigation. The Malahat was closed for several hours.
The investigation is continuing and being handled by Members of South Island Traffic Services CCIT. The names of the people killed in this collision will not be released pending the notification of next of kin.
Police are asking for the public's assistance in identifying the suspect driver. This is a far reaching investigation and the suspect may well be from the Greater Vancouver area.
Anyone with information about the suspect is asked to call Cst. Brian Sampson of South Island Traffic Services at 250 416 0352. Anyone with information regarding this collision who has yet to speak with police is also asked to call Cst. Sampson at the number above.
Released by
Cst. Mike Halskov
Media Relations Officer / Team Leader - CCIT
South Island Traffic Services, Chemainus, BC V0R 1K0
9921 Chemainus Rd.
Office: (250) 416-0352
Fax: (250) 416-0354
Email: michael.halskov@rcmp-grc.gc.ca
Poetic Preface [More...]
On Friday, I wandered over to the gardening books in the stacks, not sure what I was looking for really, but I found a gem.The book is a reprint of a 1603 manuscript, "Profitable Instructions for the manuring, sowing and planting of kitchin gardens" by Richard Gardiner. References vary in the exact title and some sources list its publication as 1599. It is credited as being the first English text devoted to vegetable gardening.
The work opens with an author's preface, in which he humbles himself before both God and reader, imploring anyone who knows of better methods to share them with his neighbours for the glory of God.
Following that is another preface, in the form of a poem by Edward Thorne:
Reading it, I was immediately transported back to second year university, to my Medieval Studies class on manuscripts. Of course this book is not exactly Medieval but it is still printed in a typscript that poses a challenge to modern readers where the initial s looks like an f and the v and u are routinely interchanged. Add to that the lack of standard, accepted spelling, capitalization or punctuation and it can be quite a challenge. For the heck of it, I transcribed the whole poem/preface -- you can compare it to the original above (click to open it at Flickr) -- it's really quite a lovely opening for the book (which, itself, is an entertaining read). My transcription leaves the spelling in tact save for the v vs. u issue.
Edward Thorne Gent. in commendation of the worke and the Author thereof.
He that desires with skilfull hand,
to frame a Garden plot,
And to manure and make it apt
For Herbes that serve the pot,
Or choice to make of seeds and Plants,
and best of both to know:
And them in seasonable time,
to plant, to set, and sowe,
Let him peruse this little Booke,
which undertakes the charge,
Of all the fore recited points,
to shew the course at large,
Of Carrets first, and Cabbage close,
and how to keepe them sound:
And Parsnips also to preserve,
and Turnips faire and round.
Of Lettice next, and garden Beanes,
and Onions of the best:
Of Cucumbers and Artichockes,
and Radish with the rest,
These and such other hearbes and seedes,
hath Gardner, in good will:
Unto Sallopian neighbours his,
entreated of with skill,
His talent lent he doth not hide,
if all were understood,
But sets it foorth with willing minde,
to doe his neighbours good.
The poore which late were like to pine,
and could not buy them breade:
In greatest time of penury,
were by his labours fed.
And that in reasonable rate,
when Corne and coine was scant,
With Parsnip and with Carret rootes,
he did supply their want.
The rich likewise and better sorte,
his labours could not misse
Which makes them many times to thinke,
that Salop London is.
Then rich and poore in friendly sorte,
give Gardner all his due,
Who shewes himselfe in all his acts,
so kinde a friend to you.
And wish as he doth well deserve,
his welfare and his health,
That hath so greatly profited,
Salopians common wealth.
You'll note Thorne's use of italics for proper nouns: the author's name, shown here as Gardner instead of Gardiner and Salop/Salopians which I couldn't figure out at first. Turns out, Salop is another name for the county of Shropshire, where Shrewsbury is located, and Salopians refer to the people who live there.
I'm not done with this book yet, it's fascinating, so you may see more clips here, or elsewhere.
the start of something.... [More...]
... not sure what yet... but something.
(And, if you are interested, Frazz is for sale in my Etsy store.)
An Evil Bun In The Oven [More...]
For just $28.99 you too can have this lovely shirt from Cafepress.com!
Duck, Duck, Goose? [More...]
Actually, I am thinking chickens, but ducks and geese could be included in this discussion.We have been thinking about chickens (the back-yard variety) for some time (pretty much ever since we moved in here).
As we get closer and closer to making a final decision, I decided to re-check the laws. I know City of Victoria allows urban chickens and I know there are no roosters allowed. I thought there was a limit of 10 but now I can't find any reference to any limit.
The city bylaw on Animal Control states:
37. No person shall own, harbour or keep any farm animal or rooster within the City of Victoria.
where "farm animal" is earlier defined as "any domesticated animal normally raised for food, milk or beast of burden and includes cattle, horses, swine, sheep, goats, mules, donkeys, asses and oxen;" -- i.e. excluding poultry.
It also says owners are not to allow their animals to be on any private property other than their own (e.g. your neighbour's flower bed).
I've been through other possible by-laws that might mention the issue and found nothing more. No limit, nothing about structures to house them -- heck it doesn't even preclude keeping them inside one's home. (I would not keep them inside -- eeek and eww.)
Surf over to Victoria Animal Control Services however, and you can read this (if you scroll waaaaay down to the Bylaw Regulations section):
"Farm Animals are prohibited with the exception of chickens, ducks & geese. These fowl can only be kept as pets or for personal egg consumption. Eggs cannot be sold or advertised for sale. Excessive numbers of fowl will bring into question intended use. Roosters are prohibited. If you are thinking about keeping chickens call us and we will tell you the issues and potential problems to avoid. Potbellied pigs are considered Farm Animals regardless of where they are kept (indoors or outdoors)."
I'd sure like to find actual By-laws that state anything about the fact that excess eggs cannot be sold and what exactly an excessive number might be. I'm not even thinking that we would likely come up against any of these issues but I would like to know exactly what limitations are, within the law.
Laws aside, we do have to ponder how to house them, how to deal with potential rodent and predator problems, and what to do when the hens stop laying. For housing, I am partial to the Eglu Cube by Omlet but Hubby is prepared to build a DIY variation. I still don't know if there is a "season" for buying new hens. I kind of suspect there is. Sigh. At least Kiddo is reading Storey's Guide to Raising Poultry
that I borrowed from the library. Maybe she can fill us in on the details.[photo by sarniebill1 on Flickr.]
Shame On You, UVic [More...]
View Larger Map I left the matinee of Collapse up at UVic with one prevalent thought: grow food on arable land-- moreso, grow it on land that people can get to-- don't put my pepper plants in Mexico: give me greenhouse space. Surely, don't truck my potatoes from California: these are bulky, heavy, low value staples. You can also grow them from the 49° south almost any time of the year. I walked across the lawns of UVic-- manicured tracts of great land enjoyed by rabbits and starving students alike.
Last Fall, we were really lucky to be able to go to Sooke Harbour House. It was an inspirational experiment. In some real life version of the Wonka Chocolate factory, most of the plants are edible. A terrific and expert gardener led us around the lands, tearing off leaves, flowers, berries and flora of all kinds. "Eat it," she said. We complied-- flowers that tastes like cherries; a 15' tall bay leaf tree; patios were divided by rosemary bushes and fennel plants. We could eat the grounds-- so could the wildlife. In nature you have Hobson's Choice for what's available. On our properties, we have lattitude: we can grow what we want.
Why are lands for the intelligencia barren but for the manicured weeds of cropped grass and shrubberies. It turns out UVic does sequester a little part of the lands for feeding people. To the North of the Centennial Stadium there is a patch of land for the UVic Community Gardens. That is, "for now": UVic plans on evicting the Campus Community Garden so make room for another building (though classrooms are not likely-- UVic found that students really don't have as much cash or clout as corporations and government). It's bad enough that UVic can't count above six when building floors into new buildings (build up-- we've been able to that since the 1800s-- it allows for density vs. sprawl). UVic doesn't need to go after the low hanging fruit of the community gardens.If UVic doesn't completely do away with using arable lands for food, they could move the gardens to one of the other massive tracts of land they have available. In reality, UVic should quadruple the amount of land open for individual gardening-- why can't a student living in residence have a blackberry bush or a row of carrots? In this world run amok with Green and 100 Mile Diets and Carbon Neutral, why is UVic bogarting all of this green space?
If the UVic powers-that-be relocate the gardens and fail to expand them, there are definitely bad locations that could be used that would be out-of-sight out-of-mind. For example, to the South East, past a stand of trees I found last year, there is a big chunk of space likely enjoyed by deer and the rare cougar. This chunk is remote. There's no electricity, there's no running water. The locale only fit for being a grow-op, a body dump, and/or maybe a dorm. The people would have to trek through the forest. There is a service road labelled liberally with "NO UNAUTHORIZED VEHICLES ALLOWED" signed. I doubt that handicapped access would be viable unless the handicapped have a wheelchair made by Hummer.
I know that UVic wants to think they own the lands. I know students want to tell you the university is funded by their tuitions. In truth, taxpayers heavily subsidize post secondary education. The tens of thousands of tax dollars I shell out every year go into the coffers of the govenment who, in turn, dole it out to places like UVic. These are my lands and I don't like what some overpriced academics are doing with my money and my land.
UVic needs to stop. They need to think about what they're doing with the lands they hold. Below is a letter from the site coordinataor of the UVic Campus Community Garden. UVic is planning on doing away with the gardens. I ask that you take a minute to read her call for support. I need you to spend a few minutes in support of the plan to keep the Campus Community Gardens in play. If you're caught up in this Green wave-- if you bicycle for the planet; or take recyclable bags to Thrity's; or drive a Prius; or turn off your lights to save electricity-- if you do any of these, then this needs to be your cause, too.
Personally, I feel UVic needs to take this moment as a moment of clarity. They need to come out of their stupor and expand the lands devoted to the community gardens. They need to ask whether tracts of short green weeds mowed time and again by gas-powered mowers is the ideal practice. They need to ask why their students live in dorms on ramen noodles when the lands could feed a decent share of the student population. If UVic doesn't look out the window and see the lands with new eyes, then their lip service to sustainability is a sham.
Subject: UVic Campus Community Garden needs your support
Hello,
My name is Ada Saab. I am the site coordinator of the UVic Campus Community Garden. We are requesting your support. We have been growing food on campus garden for thirteen years and have resided in the same location off Mackenzie Avenue for this entire time. We've watched both the Enterprise Data Centre and the Technology Enterprise Facility build on either side of us while the parking lot welcomed more and more traffic. Recently we have been notified that at the end of our Memorandum of Understanding with the University of Victoria, on October 2011, we are evicted. However, our new location is still unknown.
There is very little space on our campus any longer. Priorities for development are becoming clear as the management plans to maintain a compact campus by the use of specific building sites within or near Ring Road. Among the list of items to redevelop (including lawn areas, parking lots and lower scale buildings) is our garden.
This spring, there will be a Campus Plan Committee meeting. Neil Connelly, from UVic's Sustainability Office, will be offering a proposal to include our gardens in the master plan for use of the university-owned CJVI property on Cedar Hill Cross Rd, know as Cedar Hill Corner. According to the university, potential uses include academic expansion, faculty and student housing, sports and recreational facilities, parking and other special opportunities. Another alternative is a triangle area of land off of McKenzie Avenue by the rugby fields, a highly visible location with no concrete building plans.
We are concerned there is no mention of the garden in the current UVic Campus Plan and that the university may not deem our space as an important university asset. As a result, we are requesting your support to show UVic Vice-President Finance & Operations that sustainability and education includes the UVic Campus Community Garden. Fill in the appropriate areas of this attached letter or compose your own and send it to Gayle Gorrill, VP Finance & Operations vpfo@uvic.ca vpfo@uvic.ca , to Neil Connelly, Sustainability Office at nconn@uvic.ca nconn@uvic.ca, and copy the Community Garden executive so we can be aware of your support, at ccgarden@uvic.ca ccgarden@uvic.ca.
I have attached our letter of support to this email however, it is also included below.
Thank-you,
Ada Saab
Site Coordinator
Campus Community Garden
University of Victoria
Web http://web.uvic.ca/~ccgarden/
Sample letter of support:
I am writing this letter as a member of the University community to express my support for the UVic Campus Community Garden.
Students, faculty and staff were recently informed of a plan to move the gardens from its current location in parking lot 7 to an undetermined site. I understand that as the university grows there is increased pressure for new developments that are in line with the 2003 Campus Plan and strategic objectives of the university.
I am concerned, however, that without university support and resources for such a move and a process to collaboratively determine a new site, the community gardens may be in jeopardy.
As a [professor /student/employee] the community gardens have provided me with [teaching space/ growing space/ learning opportunities]. Not only does the community garden help me achieve my personal [teaching/learning] goals, it also helps achieve many of the goals set out in the university’s strategic plan.
The community garden contributes to the “broader learning environment” of the university by providing a community meeting place. By bringing students, faculty, and staff together the garden acts as a node for social networking and enhances the sense of community between university users. Over the past decade, the University has showcased the Community Gardens in a number of websites, publications and tours, contributing to student and faculty recruitment and its reputation as a green campus.
The gardens provide an opportunity for students to participate in experiential learning opportunities and become involved in the university community. The garden has been used extensively in this capacity by the school of Environmental Studies, Department of Women’s Studies and the School of Nursing, and new partnerships are being explored with other university departments.
In order for the community garden to continue contributing to vibrant and healthy campus, a new site must be located and funding must allocated for relocation before the development of parking lot 7 commences. I urge you to support finding an appropriate new site and funds to help the community garden move through this transition smoothly.
Valentine Lunar New Year [More...]
And if you are pondering romantic love, here's Matt Damon, singing My Funny Valentine, from one of my favourite films, The Talented Mr. Ripley
:Finally, to my American readers, may you find a good mattress sale tomorrow, on President's Day. ;)
In Bad Taste [More...]
It's by an artist living in Wisconsin. I wonder if she knows/knew anyone affected by the collapse?
And then there is the issue of the death of Georgian luge athlete, Nodar Kumaritashvili just prior to the opening of the big event on the mainland. The IOC was lighnting fast in getting footage pulled from YouTube but my guess is that it had much more to do with marketing and trademarks than common human decency because the footage* continued to air on CTV and NBC, the big official media partners. Today, even after cries of, "Enough, already!" erupted, the NY Times featured an "interactive" look at the accident: freezing 8 frames of the footage and matching them to the track.
You'll notice I'm not linking to these things.
I'm not that old, but I remember a time when the news didn't show people dying -- outside of war zones, and then the footage was preceded by warnings that it might be graphic or disturbing.
A quick search of Google News finds opinion pieces with titles like "Gravity of News Seems to Escape NBC" and "Is a Georgian Life Worth Less than an American Life?" and "Are we Just Crash Test Dummies?" -- good questions. VANOC seems certain of one thing, though, it was not their fault but they will make changes anyway. Unfortunately, Kumaritashvili's death was not the only incident on the track -- there were complaints that it was far too fast. Will VANOC pay any price for this? Only in salaries and bonuses to their spin doctors.
*Some comments have started referring to the footage as a snuff film but I think, technically, it escapes simply by virtue of being captured in a documentary action, not story-boarded.
Getting The Most Out Of Your Traffic [More...]
I used to have a lot more traffic-- then I started mixing it up. I made up a bunch of pages, then moved over to Drupal quickly. Then, I didn't migrate all of the page-- doh! It's not like I scorched my best pages. I forgot to migrate a script I wrote in 1999. Then I found all of these page-not-found errors in my traffic. Tonight, I started to fix-up all of my 404s. I made up pages to meet the gaps. In a couple cases, I made up aliases to get the river to follow the boat. Lastly, I found a bunch of hits "classifieds/this" and "classifieds/that" or specifically http://mike.dewolfe.bc.ca/classifieds/office-equipment. Lots of hits to classifieds pages with various phrases put into the mix. I found out that others are seeing these too. There was no sense of letting all that traffic go to waste.
Here's what I did. I made a panel with "classifieds" as it's path.
The top panel goes to a search via the Shopping.com API.
The right panel goes to a Twitter API search. The links in the Twitter responses go to remote.php script-- a quicky way to display third party pages while allowing a toe-hold to continue. I snugged in a dud variable with the classifieds phrase preserved. When the Google AdSense reads that part of the url, it turns it into something intelligble, something relevant for Google work with.
The left panel was going to be Amazon, but Amazon's API is a bit of a pain. I made it work in my BestSellers List (NY Times-Amazon mash-up) but the general search functionality was painful. The Drupal Amazon Tools module was a little disappointing. So, instead I did up a bunch of links to some of my recent pet projects.
